So many pastor’s…so many suicide’s…what a heartbreaking tragedy!!!! What’s going on?

Pro_14:12 There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.

I would like to turn to the Lord’s Word to see how many men committed suicide, and what were their reasons for taking such action. I’ve counted six, one can not count Samson as killing himself, when he was fighting to destroy Israel’s enemies and did so, however he died in the process.

1.) Abimelech: Jdg 9:54 Then he called hastily unto the young man his armourbearer, and said unto him, Draw thy sword, and slay me, that men say not of me, A woman slew him. And his young man thrust him through, and he died. What was the reason why he did this? It was obvious as stated above, for a king to be killed by a woman was humiliating, so pride and guilt of a previous sin he had caused against his father’s family. Jdg 9:56 Thus God rendered the wickedness of Abimelech, which he did unto his father, in slaying his seventy brethren:

2.) Saul killed himself for he desire not to be killed by the uncircumcised: 1Sa 31:4 Then said Saul unto his armourbearer, Draw thy sword, and thrust me through therewith; lest these uncircumcised come and thrust me through, and abuse me. But his armourbearer would not; for he was sore afraid. Therefore Saul took a sword, and fell upon it. Again pride was his motive, and also we can not forget that God was no longer with him, because he had greatly disobeyed the Lord, by wanting to be accepted by the people, and he also sought out a witch to bring the prophet Samuel back from the dead. That was outright rebellion against the Lord.

3.) Saul’s armourbearer: 1Sa 31:5 And when his armourbearer saw that Saul was dead, he fell likewise upon his sword, and died with him.

4.) Ahithophel: 2Sa 17:23 And when Ahithophel saw that his counsel was not followed, he saddled his ass, and arose, and gat him home to his house, to his city, and put his household in order, and hanged himself, and died, and was buried in the sepulchre of his father. Pride was his downfall amongst other sins against King David.

5.) Zimri: 1Ki 16:18 And it came to pass, when Zimri saw that the city was taken, that he went into the palace of the king’s house, and burnt the king’s house over him with fire, and died, again pride and his sins against the Lord, which made Israel to sin.
1Ki 16:19 For his sins which he sinned in doing evil in the sight of the LORD, in walking in the way of Jeroboam, and in his sin which he did, to make Israel to sin.

6.) Judas, (the Lord’s disciple) the son of perdition: Mat 27:4 Saying, I have sinned in that I have betrayed the innocent blood. And they said, What is that to us? see thou to that.
Mat 27:5 And he cast down the pieces of silver in the temple, and departed, and went and hanged himself.
He betrayed our Lord, so in a false pride in stead of seeking mercy of the Lord, or to God, he took his life while in strong condemnation.

So as we can see those that took their own lives, were not followers of the One True God, they were rebellious, deceivers, and betrayers of what the Lord stood for. Now it’s good to look at those who have suffered extreme stress and depression amongst those who placed their hope and trust in the Lord, and He brought them through their distressing times. Some were depressed due to their disobedience, other’s due to God testing their faith and proving them, and other’s were persecuted and rejected of men on a continual basis due to their ministry, both in the Old and New testament. Yet, they never took their own lives, why? The Lord never left them, and delivered them from all their trials, afflictions, fears and enemies, because their faith was built upon the Lord’s promises and His keeping powers.

I would like to start with JOB, a man we are all familiar with who was perfect in all of his ways: Job 1:1 There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job; and that man was perfect and upright, and one that feared God, and eschewed evil. the Lord brought such devastating tragedies to occur in his life as a testing, Job lost everything, his children, his home, and even his wife, plus he suffered from terrible physical afflictions. This loss happened all at once, and caused him such great pain & distress, he wished he never lived: Job 3:11 Why died I not from the womb? why did I not give up the ghost when I came out of the belly? Job 3:13 For now should I have lain still and been quiet, I should have slept: then had I been at rest; Job 10:1 My soul is weary of my life; I will leave my complaint upon myself; I will speak in the bitterness of my soul. You see this was a test, not only to stop the mouth of Satan, but also to reveal to Job the absolute vileness of the natural fallen man Job 40:4 Behold, I am vile; what shall I answer thee? I will lay mine hand upon my mouth. Job never took his life, the Lord delivered him and then blessed him.

Now let’s turn to Moses, yes Moses suffered from despondency due to the sins of the people who built a golden cafe, as he returned to reveal the 10 Commandments of God.
He desired that God should take his life, at the sight of such sin & idolatry: Exo 32:32 Yet now, if thou wilt forgive their sin–; and if not, blot me, I pray thee, out of thy book which thou hast written. So God understood Moses desperate state of despondency due to the sins of others. God was Moses staying Power to continue in bringing the Israelite’s to their promised destination: Exo 32:34 Therefore now go, lead the people unto the place of which I have spoken unto thee: behold, mine Angel shall go before thee: nevertheless in the day when I visit I will visit their sin upon them.

Elijah was not spared depression, due to the attack from Jezebel, after he killed 100 false prophets, he ran, and considered himself a failure: 1Ki 19:4 But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree: and he requested for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough; now, O LORD, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers. He saw himself as a failure and alone, no one stood with him. However an Angel of he Lord instructed him to eat, then God spoke and instructed him what he should do. The Lord, to encourage him, also informed him that he had 7000 other’s who did not bend the knee to Baal. He continued to go on and carry out the will of the Lord, who strengthened him. 1Ki 19:15 And the LORD said unto him, Go, return on thy way to the wilderness of Damascus: and when thou comest, anoint Hazael to be king over Syria: 1Ki 19:18 Yet I have left me seven thousand in Israel, all the knees which have not bowed unto Baal, and every mouth which hath not kissed him.

King David, who we also are well acquainted with suffered much from deep despondency, depression, with continuous threats against his life from Saul, Absalom, and so many other’s. He also suffered due to certain major sins he carried out against the Lord, Israel and himself, but he was still “a man after God’s heart”. All a person has to do is read the many Psalm’s where he pour’s out his poor heart for the Lord to help him! Psa 38:2 For thine arrows stick fast in me, and thy hand presseth me sore.
Psa 38:3 There is no soundness in my flesh because of thine anger; neither is there any rest in my bones because of my sin. Psa 38:4 For mine iniquities are gone over mine head: as an heavy burden they are too heavy for me.
At one time he thought death was to come: Psa 13:1 To the chief Musician, A Psalm of David. How long wilt thou forget me, O LORD? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me?
Psa 13:2 How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? how long shall mine enemy be exalted over me?
Psa 13:3 Consider and hear me, O LORD my God: lighten mine eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death;
But in every Psalm he still placed his hope in the Lord and His mercy every time, and His God always delivered him without fail!

We will now take a look at Jeremiah, the Weeping Prophet, who suffered so much persecution, rejection from all, he was single, never married, the people of Israel hated him, he was cast into pit’s, experienced such loneliness, and from his own doubts. Matter of fact he was so rejected and hated he did not want to speak on behalf of the Lord any longer due to no one listening to him, so what was the use of continuing on? He also wished he was not born: Jer 20:9 Then I said, I will not make mention of him, nor speak any more in his name. But his word was in mine heart as a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I was weary with forbearing, and I could not stay. Jer 20:14 Cursed be the day wherein I was born: let not the day wherein my mother bare me be blessed. Jer 20:17 Because he slew me not from the womb; or that my mother might have been my grave, and her womb to be always great with me. The depths of his sorrow and rejection was difficult to bear, but the LORD GOD, was his strength, and a constant helper in the times of his great need, he was NEVER abandoned, though it might have seemed so.

Jonah is an example of why he suffered great depression and fear, because he refused to do as the Lord had asked of him in warning Nineveh, and he also desired to die, because of his anger, he suffered, but the Lord caused him to walk in His Ways and Will through this type of chastisement, of being swallowed up by a great whale! Jon 1:2 Arise, go to Nineveh, that great city, and cry against it; for their wickedness is come up before me.
Jon 1:3 But Jonah rose up to flee unto Tarshish from the presence of the LORD, and went down to Joppa; and he found a ship going to Tarshish: so he paid the fare thereof, and went down into it, to go with them unto Tarshish from the presence of the LORD. Jon 1:17 Now the LORD had prepared a great fish to swallow up Jonah. And Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights.
Jon 4:1 But it displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he was very angry. Jon 4:3 Therefore now, O LORD, take, I beseech thee, my life from me; for it is better for me to die than to live. So you see at times when we rebel against the Lord’s desire’s and His ways we shall suffer despondency and depression, but the Lord has ways of bringing us around to His ways, without taking our lives.

John the Prophet, also suffered such despondency while in prison before his beheading, that he questioned if Jesus was the Christ who was to come, so he sent his disciples to check if this be so: Luk 7:18 And the disciples of John shewed him of all these things.
Luk 7:19 And John calling unto him two of his disciples sent them to Jesus, saying, Art thou he that should come? or look we for another?
So in prison and suffering from doubt he sent his disciples and they inquired of the Lord what John had asked them to do. And Jesus in His compassion desired John to be comforted, and not to doubt nor offended due to his sufferings: Luk 7:22 Then Jesus answering said unto them, Go your way, and tell John what things ye have seen and heard; how that the blind see, the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, to the poor the gospel is preached.
Luk 7:23 And blessed is he, whosoever shall not be offended in me.
Christ came through for His chosen ones.

Our dear Lord and Saviour also suffered such great afflictions of spirit and soul at what He was about to suffer, he did not desire to be alone during it: Isa 53:3 He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Mar 14:34 And saith unto them, My soul is exceeding sorrowful unto death: tarry ye here, and watch. He suffered so greatly from the stress of what He was about to face, He actually sweat blood…Luk 22:44 And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground. He suffered so, he wanted to be delivered out from his cup: Mar 14:36 And he said, Abba, Father, all things are possible unto thee; take away this cup from me: nevertheless not what I will, but what thou wilt. And so His Faith and trust was in His Father, and the Father sent an angel to minister strength so He could carry out the Father’s Perfect will: Luk 22:43 And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him.

The final example of suffering from despair, depression, persecution, the Apostle Paul, has also at one time despaired even of life, but as we know the Lord always was there to give him strength to carry out His Will: 2Co_1:8 For we would not, brethren, have you ignorant of our trouble which came to us in Asia, that we were pressed out of measure, above strength, insomuch that we despaired even of life: He also suffered from deep inner conflicts, 2Co 1:9 But we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves, but in God which raiseth the dead:
2Co 1:10 Who delivered us from so great a death, and doth deliver: in whom we trust that he will yet deliver us;

I would like now to speak that all Godly men, who have been pastors and teachers chosen by the Lord will suffer such “darkness of soul” or as Apostle Paul expressed “but we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves, but in God which raiseth the dead”. Charles Spurgeon is one who suffered such despondency of soul through depression, and painful physical afflictions. JC Philpot also suffered such depth’s of afflictions. Any true born-again believer shall suffer such afflictions, because we are called to do so, as Paul states: Php 3:8 Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ,
Php 3:9 And be found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith:
Php 3:10 That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death;
For true believer’s there is no other way, we shall all suffer “being made conformable unto His death”. However it is Christ which shall raise us up out of these terrors within our souls, and because HE promised to be our deliverer, because His chastisements are for our own good.

I can from my own personal experience proclaim this truth, because I have suffered terrible depressions, mental anguish and nervous breakdowns due to many varying circumstances, sins of a perverse nature, carried out against me as a toddler, child and adulthood and from my sins against Him living in the homosexual life. I also suffered greatly, as a babe in Christ, from mental and emotional abuses and Doctrine of Demons from a cult, lead by a woman, which robbed me of my faith in the One True God, and did not assist me in building my faith in and upon Christ, but upon a false Gospel and a false Christ. (You can read more from my “Testimony of 42 years” for further details). I suffered from such terrifying depressions on several occasions where I no longer desired to live, asking the Lord to please take me home, but HE never allowed me to take the final step of self-annihilation. He always made a way through those terrible dark days. It was through those darkest times where all I could do was quietly scream help from within and/or outwardly screaming. It was in those darkest times that the Lord was working out His perfect will, in assisting me to TRUST Him, when I could no longer trust. He had to bring healing in the most deepest places of soul due to sexual perversities done against me, and also from the teachings of Doctrine of Demons which to some extent kept me in bondage of fear and unbelief. But the Lord kept me through it all! I give Him all the glory because I have grown through it all to learn of His Ways, and His Truths, His Justice….that without Him I can do absolutely nothing. These following scriptures He has written firmly upon my heart and soul so that I am able to discern through the Holy Spirit, what is of Him, and what is of the flesh and the Devil, so that I am no longer deceived by and through the cunning of sinful mankind. Eph 5:6 Let no man deceive you with vain words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience.
Eph 5:7 Be not ye therefore partakers with them.
Eph 5:8 For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light:
Eph 5:9 (For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth;)
Eph 5:10 Proving what is acceptable unto the Lord.


Every time I read about another “pastor/teacher” committing suicide I am so sick of heart to read from many main stream so-called “Christian publications, pastors/teachers or from religious men,” who state that “mental illness” exists among pastors due to the heavy burdens of caring for the church, and the lack of care from the sheep to love them! This is the furthest from the Gospel truth! To label their afflictions as “mental illness” is a wicked and fleshly & worldly presumptuous view not based upon the truth’s of God’s Word. It is a slap in the face to what God’s Word stand’s for because the cause is NOT “mental illness”, it is in fact from a Biblical standpoint labeled as Spiritual Bankruptcy!

All one has to do is search out what type of belief system these poor men belonged too. They are mostly from a Mega church hyper belief system, the Emergent Church, Calvary Chapel, Pentecostal, and other Anti-Christ belief systems whose faith is not based upon the One True Gospel and the One True Christ. When we read and compare from the Lord’s Word on the subject of “self-murder” and those who commit the act against those who are truly the Lord’s, we see the Lord NEVER allows His children to commit the act of escaping the pain of suffering through the killing of self. Let us remember the Lord’s word never returns void. As we read from 1 John chapter 5:

1Jn 5:4 For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith.
1Jn 5:5 Who is he that overcometh the world, but he that believeth that Jesus is the Son of God?
This overcoming the world means in thought, actions and belief’s. How is the killing of self overcoming the world, where is the victory of overcoming faith?

1Jn 5:9 If we receive the witness of men, the witness of God is greater: for this is the witness of God which he hath testified of his Son.
1Jn 5:10 He that believeth on the Son of God hath the witness in himself: he that believeth not God hath made him a liar; because he believeth not the record that God gave of his Son.
1Jn 5:11 And this is the record, that God hath given to us eternal life, and this life is in his Son.
1Jn 5:12 He that hath the Son hath life; and he that hath not the Son of God hath not life.
It is very clear here and in a multitude of scriptures which proves those in Christ have life, and it’s eternal and HE keeps them! Those that have not Christ do not have LIFE, therefore God’s promises to keep them from the enemy of their soul, from temptation or deliverance from the evil one is not made available.

Therefore we have to come to the conclusion that these poor afflicted souls did not have their faith based upon the One True Gospel, and the One True Christ, but upon a False Gospel and a false Christ. The Devil is a liar and a murderer: Joh 8:44 Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.

So let us remember that our dear sweet Lord and Our Father will not be mocked. For whatever we sow, we shall reap…….I cry in my heart for how these poor men suffered such despair and darkness, and now face the reality of whom they followed, due to how those they believed and trusted in at their churches leading them to believe in a lie…..Woe to those who are a stumbling block and preach NOT the truth…So let us remember: Eph 5:3 But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints;
Eph 5:4 Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks.
Eph 5:5 For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.
Eph 5:6 Let no man deceive you with vain words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience.
Eph 5:7 Be not ye therefore partakers with them.
Eph 5:8 For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light:
Eph 5:9 (For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth;)
Eph 5:10 Proving what is acceptable unto the Lord.

Eph 5:11 And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them.
Eph 5:12 For it is a shame even to speak of those things which are done of them in secret.
Eph 5:13 But all things that are reproved are made manifest by the light: for whatsoever doth make manifest is light.

May the Lord grant you the Grace to see and hear what the Word of the Lord teaches us.

In His Eternal Love……

16 thoughts on “So many pastor’s…so many suicide’s…what a heartbreaking tragedy!!!! What’s going on?

  1. How this false system has ruined so many people, and now they are facing eternity without the Lord.
    How very evil, is the way of the flesh and the false Gospel they preach………frightening actually. Thank you, not many take this stand in our day and age, but the truth must be revealed.

    1. Yes, I agree wholeheartedly with you. It’s just too painful to think about it……..It truly causes one to think soberly upon the grace of the Lord to have saved us from the wrath to come. Lord bless you.

  2. I remember first thinking about this issue very early in my Christian walk. I haven’t come to a conclusion about whether it’s possible for a true Christian to kill himself/herself, but I appreciate your thoughts, especially the six examples of suicide from Scripture.

    1. Thank you for responding. “If” you do not mind me asking….how long have you been in the Lord?
      This topic has been on my mind for the last couple of years, due to all the “mental issues” being brought forth by the false church. I have to admit, I did not just “react” to the so-called biblical stances that the false church has been spewing, it’s been on my heart for a while, it is a very sobering issue to deal with, but one must ask the Lord for guidance and allow Him to guide your thoughts according to His Word and ask for the Grace to accept the Truth as HE SEES IT. I trembled writing this piece, because I knew the hate that it would gender from false christians.
      We live in such dire and dark times where the false church system is abounding throughout the world seemingly appearing as the “true church” when it is not, and the cost of being rejected for revealing the truth is part of the suffering that the true church needs to endure. I shall pray and ask the Lord to assist you in knowing how HE VIEWS what the truth is regarding His Ways, and not of the fleshly religious ways which brings death.
      Our Lord is life, and the road is very narrow, and few that enter in. Main stream Christianity is basically the one world church that will assist in bringing in the Son of Perdition as we see it happening today with the Ecumenical support of President Trump…….and this has all been predicted according to the Lord’s Word.
      The Lord bless you……

      1. I have been a Christian since age 20; I am now 60.

        Regarding suicide, here’s what I think is most likely: Let’s say a person who professes the name of Christ and has shown evidence of saving faith is in the process of committing suicide. If that person repents of this sin before dying, I think they will be saved; otherwise, I don’t believe they will be.

        You wrote, “The road is very narrow, and few that enter in.” Yes! You might be interested in a post I wrote about the number of Christians in the United States:

      2. I have a problem with your opinion because the one scripture that came to my mind was, what the Lord stated about those who are His Sheep: Joh 6:39 And this is the Father’s will which hath sent me, that of all which he hath given me I should lose nothing, but should raise it up again at the last day.
        So a person who is in the process of killing himself, was never His in the first place.
        I’ve been there, I’ve been at a place where the depression was so bad, I no longer desired to live like that it was too painful, and not “living”. I asked the Lord to take me, but the Lord NEVER allowed me to take my life. Because HE was and IS my life. No matter how Satan attacked me, the Lord brought me through it.
        A person is either saved or not saved. There is no in between. Whom the Father has given to the Son, the Son shall NOT lose one of them. He keeps them, and the scriptures totally support His view on the matter.
        I greatly appreciate having a discussion with you. Very rarely IF ever has anyone been willing to discuss this. Thank you. This is how brethren are to act, to have a discussion, not to be afraid of having one. We can all learn from one another. Precept upon Precept.
        Lord bless you!
        Oh by the way here is my testimony, it should give you some insight on who and what I am, and what I have gone through.
        I was saved 42 years ago this year! Feb 1978

      3. I can envision a Christian who is so despondent that they decide to kill themselves. In the process of committing suicide, they realize that they are going to die; they understand that they have committed a terrible sin, so they repent and ask the Lord’s forgiveness in their final moments. I will also say, however, that I think this scenario would be extremely rare, and frankly, may have never happened in human history.

        I agree 100% that “A person is either saved or not saved. There is no in between.”

      4. Yes, I can understand that, however my article is about young “pastor’s” who have committed suicide, and the member’s within the so-called “Christian” groups, are going around stating they are with the Lord, and it’s not true, it is a slap in the face of what the Lord represents and His Honor and Glory are Blasphemed. Most of these suicide’s have happened in the Hyper faith, and Reformed Apostolic denominations, which are NOT of the Lord but are part of the Ecumenical Anti-Christ spirit. I know for I have fellowshipped at these systems in the past.
        It has been a blessing to discuss this with you….and in the end the Lord knows all things, and we can rest in that.
        Lord bless you!

      5. I was extending to all suicides by those who were thought to be Christians, but yes, your post is more specific to pastor suicides.

        Merry Christmas to you and your family!

      6. Thank you, I live alone never married, called to be single for the Lord, He knows best.
        I have no immediate family except for a brother in the US.
        I long for my true Family…….members of the Body of Christ to fellowship with in Spirit and in Truth.
        There is no “church” here for me to attend. They are all ecumenical…… just me and the Lord.
        I do not recognize the Holiday season as Christian, it represents nothing of the One True Christ, it’s all pagan in it’s traditions, and Jesus was not born at this time of year.
        I do enjoy the wonderful hymns this time of year, quiet and peaceful, and I do enjoy the coloured lights.
        Lord bless you and the family.

      1. Okay, what part of the USA? I am originally from New York State.
        Wow, China, wouldn’t want to live there at all!
        I like following some Christian bloggers, I like to get to know fellow brethren, so it shall be my pleasure to read your blog. I do hope you have some testimonial history in your blog. I think it’s important to get to know another believer’s experience and what they have gone through!
        I’ve been through so much, from childhood until to this day! But only by The Grace of God am I where I am in Him! He has done it all, and has kept His promises!
        Lord bless you!

      2. I have lived in seven different states and visited another fifteen others; right now, I live on the West Coast.

        I can understand why the average North American would not want to live in China; for my wife and me, we had no real culture shock there, but we did when we came back to the U.S.

        You can read something about me here: and here: You will also find a bit of my personal history sprinkled throughout some of my posts.

        I will read your testimony sometime within the next few days. The Lord bless you, brother.

      3. West Coast, really?! Well I do not envy you that for sure!
        I reside in Canada.
        Thank you…..I don’t know if you celebrate the holidays………”if” you do have a blessed time with your family.

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