My Personal Testimony of 42 years….

42 Years ago, the Lord invaded my life….

Updated: 3 days ago

I was living in the homosexual lifestyle for many years, and finally 42 years ago, the Lord revealed His truth to me, and brought conviction of my sinful life, and that it was a lie.

He granted me the Grace to see the truth, and the gift of Repentance…I was raised within a Baptist background as a youth, baptized in water, yet….I was NOT born again. I through the pressure of an Aunt “accepted Jesus” as my Savior and became “religious” for a little while. Yet lived a secret life in the gay lifestyle. I was sexually, emotionally, and physically abused by my mother, who was also a victim of abuse by her father, I lived a life of depression, desiring to be a “girl” at a very young age, because my mother desired girls. I was rejected by her, and my father was not there for me also. She hated him and me because I was first born, and named after my father. My father was an adulterer, and was not faithful during their marriage.

I was also sexually abused through friends of theirs when staying overnight, due to being childhood friends with their two boys. I grew up in so much confusion, pain, and suffered endless depressions, never had real friends in school, so I fantasized my whole life in being and desiring to be someone else, due to the abuses, I also tired to commit suicide at the age of 14.

However, when the Lord came and saved me at the age of 26, alone in my rented room in a boarding house owned by two gay men, without a Bible, but a simple tract which I found on the subway, He came and revealed to me, He was alive and very real, I was stunned because I always thought I was a “Christian”, but once He saved me I immediately knew I was NEVER born again as a Youth, because HE was never real to me, but that night I knew He was truly real, I wept as I have never wept before, seeing and knowing that I lived a lie, and that HE truly Loved me enough as I was but knew how HE could change my life. If I may, it was almost like a Saul moment, before he became Paul. I could not believe that this God truly Loved me, and was REAL and ALIVE! I was forgiven, and a cleansing took place so powerful, I kept weeping and at the same time so filled with a rapturous Joy unspeakable! It lasted hours……..but it was too be a very long journey indeed.

However due to my rebirth, I was a babe in Christ, and I looked for a church to go to, so I ended up at a “Pentecostal” church for a couple of months, then due to start sensing things were not so right at that church, I was introduced into a “Home Fellowship”, where several families were all living together in an old country farmhouse in a rural area of the city. This fellowship was being lead by a woman, pastor, teacher, “prophetess”. Due to the “Love” I felt there I was sucked right into it, but alas, it is also where I learned Doctrine of Demons, and abuses and more confusions…..she was of the Hyper-faith movement, also with influences of “Manifested Sons of God” and “Kingdom Now” belief’s. Any time I had confusion concerning some of the actions taking place I would question her, and she would immediately start accusing me of having a “spirit” of rebellion, which frightened me to my core! To make a long story short, eventually after a few years with this group, while at work, the fellowship was raided by the police, it was printed in all the area newspapers, with photo’s of some of the members. Her sons which had left the “fellowship” had reported there were abuses being done, and it was truly correct…….I was so confused, yet I could not stay with this group, and I deserted them, so I thought myself as a Judas, and that I was not truly born-again, I was a traitor…..but I learned that this woman pastor was arrested and charged with various abuses, which I knew was true, she ended up being found guilty, and sent to prison for 6 months. So many families and individuals were deeply wounded by this Cult.

I , thinking I was a Judas, went back into my old life, thinking I believed a lie…..I was devastated, my faith vanished….I was in my old life for several years, until I moved to a different city many hundreds of miles away….away from the cult and the pain……I was an emotional, and mental wreck……..but after a couple of years in the new city……..the Lord in His infinite mercy, started to draw me back to Him….I was ever so grateful, but I was starting to learn and accept that His Rest Fellowship was a cult, with a deceived woman leader! But, through the years that followed I went into another Pentecostal church, a hyper-faith Anglican church, got involved with the John Wimber Vineyard movement a Moris Curello fellowship, the Apostolic Church movement and each time the Lord made me to discern all was not correct in these organizations, so eventually HE got me separated unto Himself.

It has been a very painful, and at times a nightmarish mental walk, to undue all the false teaching and belief-isms, the deep scares of sexual abuses by a parent, more depressions to the point I no longer desired to live, but the Lord above kept me through it all, and yet used me for other’s during this whole ordeal. I have learned not to trust in any man, not to be swayed by other’s belief’s, but to lean upon the Lord, and His Word, to trust Him in His power to save, to sanctify the soul from every fleshly, and wicked way, especially my emotions!

We still dwell in this flesh, which one day will be totally and forever changed into His likeness. He is our Love Song, He is our very life, there is no one EVER likened unto Him! He shall cleanse us from ALL our Idols, it is never done in one clean swoop, it’s a daily, weekly, yearly cleansing, but HE must DO it ALL!

I apologize for taking so much room, but I just wanted to share my story as “briefly” as possible, but I am not totally there yet, He is not finished with me or any TRUE believer, He shall Keep us, no matter what the enemy tries to do against us, HE is in control….and I’m still learning this more and more each day, especially now in these Last Days!

He is coming……and I must say I tremble for this world and it’s sins, He is a Righteous God, and if “we barely be saved” can you imagine what this world will experience without His Saving Grace………So let us learn from one another, we each have gifts, and some gifts come from experience, and the leading of the Holy Spirit! We need to understand that we all can learn from one another, and if there be unbelief, then ask the Lord to reveal it…..I know I’ve done it many times through the years…. Here is something which the Lord gave to me back in the late 90’s, and I have found it true to this day”

“Into His Fullness we most assuredly will grow, as we learn daily, by Grace, how to lay our lives low”.

In His Eternal Love

28 thoughts on “My Personal Testimony of 42 years….

  1. Oh dear friend! You have been through tough time. I can’t imagine the horrific things you have been through. I feel so bad that people have been so mean. But, the Lord has changed everything in a moment. He is a great savior. All Glory to God of the Bible, he sought you and found you at the right moment of your need. Thanks for sharing. It requires great courage to pen your personal story. I speechless. πŸ€—

    1. Thank you for the encouraging words. I don’t know if it’s great courage to share, because why should I NOT proclaim what the Good Lord has done for me! We should be bold in our testimonies of His Great and Wonderous Work, and most of the time we need the Holy Spirit to work that within our lives.
      Lord bless you dear sister in Christ our Lord.
      In His Eternal Love…

      1. Thanks. I perceive that you have lots of courage and strength. The Lord has blessed you with a fervent faith. You can comfortably call me your brother in Yeshua Meshiakh. Yes Ruach Hakodesh is the one who works in our lives to rejuvenate our faith in Yeshua Messaih. Halleluyah πŸ™Œ

      2. I am so sorry! I hate when someone mistakes me for women! Oy vey…..we should suffer such humiliation! I guess it is because of our sensitivity that people get confused…..LOL!
        Also I have a little secret, on my Mother’s side is we have Jewish ancestry from Germany! And possibly from my father’s mother side also, but that is not 100% sure….amazing no? LOL!
        Lord bless you BROTHER in Christ Jesus Our Lord!

      3. No problem. From my pen name, many have mistakenly thought that I am a sister. No issues. Nice to hear that you have a Jewish ancestry. Jewish culture always fascinates me. I know that they are the chosen people of God. Thanks again for revealing more of you. I appreciate your sincerity. Brotherly love. πŸ™‡

      4. I know what you mean. And I must say that the Lord through the many years has always had me surround by Jewish people. I even worked for one a wealthy Jewish gentleman before I retired as a Live in Cook, driver, event planner, property manager, housekeeper etc. It was and has been a blessing indeed! And I have share that the Lord is the Messiah…….only the Lord knows who believed.

      5. A strong Amen to this dear friend. I am glad to hear that the Lord was very kind to you by providing an employer with Jewish roots. Praise be to our ancient of days. Halleluyah πŸ™Œ

  2. I can feel that pain of being assaulted, bullied, emotional breakdown in your every written word. I will always pray to God to give you more power and blessings. You are a beautiful person and a warrior you know and a very strong person too. You deserve everything best. Just believe in yourself, in your inner voice and do what you always wanted to do and you missed it. Life is beautiful and sacred and we are blessed to have this human life. Though it’s full of challenges and tough times but never give up. Life is to short to live happily but to long to live in a pain. 😊🌟⭐

    1. I’m so sorry I’ve not responded before this, I just plainly forgot about it! Forgive me…..
      I don’t believe in myself, because being a Christian, I’ve learned I can not believe in myself, nor trust my “inner Voice”, the only voice or word from the Lord is all I can trust in. You see the Lord has taught me there is absolutely NOTHING within me and my fleshly heart that is good. Whatever good I do, it is because Christ works it within me, according to His Perfect Will and Purpose.
      HE is my only strength, my only Hope, my Only Salvation………I am HIS, and HE is mine….because He bought me with His life, by His Suffering through the shedding of His Blood to cleanse me from my sins, from the Past, present, and future……HE is MY Everything…..
      Lord bless you for your kind words.

      1. It’s ok my dear, the beautiful child of God. I totally respect your feelings and thoughts. Everyone have there own perception to see the things. I will always pray for your happiness. One must keep his/her faith in God, ultimately he the true guider of life. God bless you always with abundance of light. And no need of sorry, you replied me back it means a lot to me.

  3. Excellent testimony my brother. I too went through some horrific snide as a child, and all by professed Christians. Praise God that his word and his mercy can rebuild us. I’m glad to know you brother. I look forward to getting to know you better.

  4. Thank you, may the Lord be praised for His faithfulness and His Saving Power, when we least expect it! I would like that also that we get to know one another more as the Lord wills.
    Lord bless you for dropping by!

  5. Excellent Testimony ccTech!
    You are living proof that once one is saved, always saved OSAS.
    That is a sore subject with me, because some on NTEB are saying one can lose their Salvation and
    Hi Sola I read your KJB Writeup and it was excellent.
    God Bless You ccTech and Sola!

    1. Ron R, yes, I thank the Lord for saving me, and I did not even seek Him out! For without HIM, I can/we can do absolutely NOTHING. Everything, even sanctification comes from Him, here a little and there a little! He never gives up on those HE has Chosen for Salvation, His Children. I understand what you are saying about NTEB, Geof, allows some people, to bring in their heretical teachings, and who I feel are not even truly Christian but either Mormon, Jehovah Witness, or Manifest sons of God. Some are filled with such hate and rudeness, but the Lord gives me the Grace to deal with them. I use His words. I find it just unbelievable when you ask certain persons, who’ve been on that site for a while, “what belief system they are from”, they just ignore the question, then accuse! That is a big red flag for me.
      I hope we follow one another on NTEB.
      Thank you for dropping by and may our dear Lord, the Lover of our souls….bless you and keep you.
      In His Eternal Love…

  6. Hi Brother.
    No one seeks after God seeks them out and they can either accept or reject Him.
    I have been in “similar” shoes as you and I was not seeking The Lord, so if you see me on NTEB I can give you my e-mail and I would love to share my testimony with you. I can post my e-mail to you in response to your post. I think I have 30 people’s e-mail addresses from NTEB. Rest assured I am a man of my word and your address is safe with me, for I will not share anyone’s without their explicit permission. Even if the one comes and says so and so said I can have their e-mail address, I write them first. We are about the same age ( You blessed man you 42 years, I am jealous! LOL! Thats 11 more than I have.) Sola Scripture has an excellent write up on the KJB that you ask him for the link since he posted a comment to you, and I cannot find now. I am married and have an Autistic 17YO son at home, so my time isn’t always my own if you know what I mean. I am a stern person with respect to how people treat other people, and I do not take disrespect well because I served 17 years in the navy on 3 nuclear subs. That was a big blessing from God to me having that job, even that is a testimony in and of itself which I have yet to write up. ATrober come to find out is a JW he really messed up the other day, and The Lord let me catch it, I can link you that post about that later.
    I have no problems blocking someone if their beliefs are out in left field.
    I have no religion as of late, because the fatherless I do know live across the street and so do the widows, so I am always keeping an eye on them and their family.
    I believe EVERY single word of The King James Bible and The Holy Spirit is my teacher. I tend to stay away from youtube, and only watch videos at The Holy Spirit’s Leading, I stay with the KJ Bible like a treasury agent does with real bills, why? If you know The Real One from The Holy Spirit’s Teaching, like counterfeit Bills, you know the fakes when you spot them with their doctrines because they took a razor blade to The Truth and carved it just enough to make it look true but it is not and that is where The Lord’s Gift of Discernment comes in. Don’t let people get to you on NTEB, I agree to disgree when it is not a Salvation issue. But for those Who say that you can lose your Salvation and give it back are Buffalo Billy and Skywatcher60. Billy is a nice Christian and I do believe he is saved, but Skywatcher60 is like a like Sepulcher that appears not and men walk over and he did the most vile thing ever to me on NTEB, claiming I was holding my son’s private parts and enjoying it. I let him have it, Geoffrey deleted his post but IMVHO he should have been banned, you would not believe the nonsense he has pulled on there. Don’t be too hard on Geoffrey, he has a lot on his plate, and has never used moderators, although it would give him more free time, from what I have seen from moderators who get a little power on other blogs that that power goes to their heads. I had lots of power in the navy and it never went to my head, although God showed me I was prideful over that and I really humbled down after getting saved. I haven’t been feeling that good of late ( Another Skywatcher60 comment was made to me about that and derogatory big time, with that one the women who I have been friends with for years thru e-mail really slammed him on that too ) I have had 3 back surgeries and have spinal stenosis and this whole thing has caused health problems galore. I would be a hypochondriac’s dream for doctor’s visits which I avoid and quit prescription Oxy’s Dec 2017 with The Lord’s help. So I am in pain a lot of late, I will only take take tylenol. I have type II diabetes and the meds for it are raising cain with my stomach. No matter I will accept a dirt nap LOL! or The Rapture which ever comes first! LOL!
    Ron’s slow but he is old and turtles are faster than this 2 fingered AADD ( Adult Attention Deficit Disorder ) man so I am slow be easy on my lack of timely response.
    I love you Brother.
    See you really soon Brother!
    God Bless You ccTech!

    1. Greetings Ron, well I am blessed that you have no problem writing long comments. I also like to write much, when it is on my heart.
      I tend to be very detailed, I’ve been very, you could say almost Obsessive Compulsive, I’ve been a chef, a caterer, and an event planner. Have no experience in the armed forces whatsoever, so I can appreciate the training you’ve gone through, but I’ve seen with other “Christian” men who have served in the armed forces, have got to separate that training, into the Lord’s training. Because their bullying tactic’s may serve a purpose for the flesh, but that training lacks MUCH grace! So I can understand the struggle.
      So you are Ron with a picture on the NTEB site right? I think I just read about a Ron who has pain and is only on Tylenol and gave up certain drug, so that is YOU! Praise the Lord, I was wondering. so Where do you want to exchange emails? I could not understand in full how we were going to do that.
      mine is: you could go to my contact info on this blog and send me an email through there, and just mention your name so I know it’s from you. I’m very discerning in opening my emails from someone I do not know.
      Anyway, I am just the opposite from you. I am very creative, I’ve been writing in my journal’s since the 90’s, I’ve also been a painter, also in my past was a Ballet dancer, go go boy, actor, somewhat a model for billboard’s not many though. Had my own promotion/publicity company back in the early eighties in the entertainment industry, housekeeping services for a couple of decades, also wedding planner, events for seniors, i’ve been a live-in Butler/houseman for a number of persons, some good, some not good, but all a learning experience for sure! I enjoy cooking, baking and studying the Lord’s word, and allowing Him to teach me through the HOly Spirit! I do not have a “church” where I attend. I am pretty much out of the Levitical church system, that all died with Christ. Present day church organization is practiced by the Old Levitical system, and not according to the Lord’s teachings as well as the Apostles. I pretty much live alone, and only have communication with other Christians through NTEB. I had so-called “Christian” friends for decades but had to separate myself from them, for they are ecumenical, and have gone off into the New Age way of thinking. All women….
      I will follow you on NTEB, and you can follow me also cctech. So I gather you have no wife, because it sounds like you look after your son alone, and having an autistic child is not easy I can only imagine…..
      I like certain women followers on NTEB, however there are too many women, who have no authority to treat men the way they do. AS usual woman have been sucked into thinking the “women’s movement” is acceptable by the Lord, so that they may treat men like dirt and have authority to teach over men…….I’m not one that agree’s with that mentality. The Lord has taught me and made it pretty clear to my heart, mind and conscience that women are NOT to teach and have any type of authority over the body of Christ. “Wicker White” is one of them, “LisaBoyle” she has her own Youtube station, she is definitely NOT to be trusted with her teaching. So much of the world’s attitude and spirit has infiltrated into Christianity. I made my stand with one of the women on NTEB and she called me out as a “chauvinist”! I rebuked her strongly, that is the spirit of fleshly rebellion, and I do not accept any of it… many pastor’s and men in ministry have become soft and useless.
      Anyway, I also due to sexual abuse from my mother and other’s has been a long hard road, I’ve suffered so many moments of Depression, even as a believer, but the Lord saw me through it all! I don’t have the dark depression’s where I wanted to die, thank the Lord, but still can have other type’s of depression, when I see the condition of the present day representation of “Christianity” and it is far…far from the New Testament Gospel. I do weep much, by it.
      So that’s it for now I do think Ron, the Lord bless you and read some of my other postings, so that you will get to know me better. AS the Lord leads you and do not be afraid to speak your thoughts after reading, this is the only way we learn from one another!
      See you soon. I will be praying for you as the Lord shall lead me.
      In His Eternal Love….

  7. I have been reading this for a few years now. It is wonderful when people can ‘see’ and confront troubles through the Lord. I have been concerned for my son and praying feel that someone will be able to help guide him.

    1. Greetings, thanks for reading my testimony, the Lord is good and gracious, and long suffering. It would seem you are asking for help, could you be more forth coming in what his problems are? And I am assuming you are a born-again Christian. You can go to my “Contact” section on the blog, and send me an email. Giving details, I will promise to reply to you, and assist where I can Lord willing……
      Lord bless you and guide you.

  8. I appreciate your vulnerability in your testimony. I am very thankful that the Lord chose you out of all that darkness. And just to be 100% clear: my “Amen!” above was in reply to what you wrote about not believing in yourself, but trusting the Lord.

    1. Keith,
      Thank you. I think once we are truly born-again, we will more vulnerable because our hearts have been softened due to the realization that we are sinner’s in need of grace.
      And we will desire to be so out there, and shout out at the Miracle that the Lord saved us.
      After I was born again, the next day I thought nothing of it, so I went back to work at the gay bar, as I went around collecting orders and serving them, I went around proclaiming that being gay was a lie, and that Jesus Christ is real, that He saved me from my sins! I did get some strange looks, and I also received “that’s good for you” type congratulations, so I did this for a couple of hours, until when I was returning to the bar to place my order, I just suddenly stopped in my tracks and realized……..whoa……I can not work here any longer, so I approached the manager I informed him I had to quit because I was saved and could no longer work in that establishment. I apologized, punched out, and ran out into the cold winter night to the park across the street and just gloried in the Lord, without a thought on how I was going to pay my rent! The next day I went out and bought a New Testament Bible, then went to find a church, but not a Baptist.
      Any way…….thank you and Praise the Lord for His Merciful Grace!

      1. Thank you, it’s good to hear that……
        The Lord bless you!
        Later…..Oh, if we don’t communicate soon, you and the wife have a Blessed New Year!

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